YOU CARE! So, as I said in the title: A Friend Dies, Who Cares? By Friend, I mean roommate and by dies I mean, dead, as in, in the room while you’re asleep and he/she kicks the bucket. Yeah, it sounds harsh and crazy-like, but for argument sake, take a couple of minutes and think about this situation. If you’re a struggling college student who can’t handle the load of college life and academics, no scratch that: if you’re a student that has attended one too many college parties, procrastinated far too much, hung out with friends often, and was borderline failing ALL your exams, you would have hoped your roommate would have kicked his/her bucket sooner.

It’s a rare reality, but when it happens, seize the moment and rejoice! I’m sure you’re thinking “I don’t want my roommate to die.” Ah, stop lying through those yellow teeth of yours. One of the major issues with college students are they lie too damn much and don’t tell the truth with needed. You are extremely ecstatic of this sudden and abrupt death!

Now, first off, I’m considerate and understand that your roommate—or mine for that matter may have been going through some serious life threatening issues; I deeply and honestly sympathize. But shall I sit there and gain nothing from my emotional distress?  Hell no! You must approach this blessing from an intellectual point of view. An intellect of dire need would of course, wake up one morning and discover that his roommate has died in his/her sleep. The intellect would then, after immediately being shocked would notify the university police. If you hate your roommate with sheer passion (make sure this passion of hate wasn’t public so that the bereavement process would be believed), now would be the right time to drop those emotions of hate and don the emotions of a psychologically disabled friend and roommate.

I’m not a mean and sick person to think like this. This situation may happen to you, and you don’t want to be left looking stupid come the end of the semester when your GPA looks like shit, and death. I’m telling you this because it’s a possibility that may occur; if it does not occur, then good luck to you and your GPA. To continue…

Make sure you attend all the required counseling sessions offered by the university. Now if your conscience starts eating at you, booze it up, it helps in the psychologically distraught phase. If the university will not honor you and grant you a 4.o for the unexpected death, make sure you gain the trust and support of the roommate’s family, it helps. The university will then be eating out the palm of your hands, giving you the up-most treatment; you’re royalty in their eyes now.

Oh, if they say you can miss your finals, insist you attend them all; you’re not completely going to ride this rollercoaster of greatness without a little studying…and it shows you’re resilient. Go to those Finals! Once they say “we’re giving you all A’s in your courses, quietly, rejoice within and looked shocked. If you can tear, by all means tear—but not too much, uphold your dignity. Now, you can begin the rehabilitation process of yourself, because you look like HELL.

You have a perfect semester GPA, but your overall GPA still looks like shit, sorry, I’m no magic maker. Remember this blessing is a rarity, but when it happens, seize the moment and get you’re ‘A’.

NOTE: A death of a friend and/or roommate is a serious matter. If you notice changes in normal/mental behavior, contact the universities counseling services immediately.